But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. Luke 2:19
I have spent an entire Christmas season pondering on all that I have stored up in my heart. A mother never forgets that which concerns her children; great or small. We remember statements, encounters, happy and sad circumstances throughout our life and theirs. A mother thinks and rethinks again on all that was said of her children and what they suffered.
Why revisit the past and rethink all that I wouldn't change? In studying the commentaries on Luke 2:19, I feel a bond with Mary. She had to ponder, or weigh, all of the amazing events that accompanied the birth of her Son. When I am reminded of an event in Justin's life, I ponder all that God did or continues to do from that event. I remember the gentle way that he escorted a handicapped girl as the kindergarten "king and queen" at the homecoming of Cumberland Christian Academy. When I recall that day, I think of all the ways that God made Justin sensitive to the needs of others and how he wanted to make them feel welcome and accepted. When he was diagnosed at age 8 with a growth hormone deficiency and we were discussing treatments, Justin said God didn't make mistakes and the world needed short people, too. God rewarded our faith and trust by keeping Justin healthy and even allowed him to nearly catch up on the growth charts. We considered our son to be the biggest little man we knew! The events that truly give me peace and comfort are the times I listened or witnessed him grow in and share his faith. Whether it was in discussion with elders of the LDS, his Spanish teacher or his friends, Justin was firm in his beliefs. Those memories are linked with those of him in prayer with our student pastor or his shared thoughts after a thought-provoking sermon. Storing these treasured memories and pondering on them gives me hope for the future.
As my middle son becomes a man, I see the impact of Justin's life on him. Bryan is kind, sensitive and eager to serve. Just like Justin and just like Jesus. We are now well into the maze that is called adoption. I already anxiously ponder all that God has done for us during this season as we prepare for Paul's arrival. I eagerly store it all in my heart so it is readily available to recall and share to bring God His due glory.
Christmas is a time to celebrate, yet it can be dismal for the hurt and lonely. It's our second Christmas without Justin present. We have little decorations and buy few gifts. Several years back our family began focusing on Jesus and less on the distractions of the holiday. I am grateful for the conviction and prompting of the Holy Spirit that demanded such change. If we focus our holidays or any other day on our children or material possessions, then what will we celebrate when we lose those things? So, I party less, shop less and eat less. Instead, God and I sit together and I ponder all that surrounded the birth and life of another son, the Son of Man. I treasure it all in my heart.
